**Writer’s note: Hygiene is a very important subject today in the tournament scene. It’s up to you to take care of yourself. With that said, this post is, in no way, meant to offend anyone. If I have some how managed to upset you or offend you I apologize ahead of time. **

Welcome to another edition of “This week in Magic.” Now that the snow has cleared, and there are massive pot holes left, it means that we are getting closer to our heavy end of the tournament schedule. In the coming months there are two SCG Opens making their way to the are (one in Rhode Island and the other in Massachusetts) with a Grand Prix in Providence later this summer.

This week’s article is not about what deck to play or what meta to expect for the upcoming season. We’re going to talk about how to get ready for a massive tournament with many of your peers. Of course by preparing, I mean the S’s: ****, Shower, and Shave. For those of you who are unaware, the first word is a word that is synonymous with going to the bathroom and other like activities. In fact, it’s the first subject we’re going to tackle.

****

When I was in high school, I always made it a daily ritual to sit on the toilet for at least 30 minutes. Even if nothing happened I made myself sit on that thing because this was the only chance I was giving myself and the only time I wanted to be on that thing throughout the day.

There is something about public restrooms than can be sometimes unsettling. In fact, rarely have I seen a public restroom that has looked welcoming. Have you? The closest thing I’ve seen was at the Foxwoods Casino. The stalls were made of wood, the toilets were set back at least three feet from the door. Talk about ultimate privacy.

In a venue such as the DCU Center with hundreds, if not, thousands of people, the last place I want to be is in a restroom at the same time as many of them. Let’s face it, some of these people didn’t have the best meal or the meal with intentions the night before. There is also the chance they jammed down an absurd breakfast before hitting the road. I’ve seen people eat the night before like they were training for a marathon. However, instead of the marathon, they were going to a gaming convention the next day.

One of the most important reasons to take your poops before leaving your house is because they make your farts smell far less worse. We’ve all been there. You’re feeling that pressure (not from the game you’re playing) and you are scared to death to use the public restroom. “I can wait it out,” you think to yourself. “I can do this.” Guess what, you’re absolutely wrong! That pressure has to go somewhere eventually. With that pressure comes the gas we all know and love to hate.

Please, for your fellow man, woman, and compadre, use the bathroom before you leave the house. If it means you have to take up a half hour earlier, then do it. It will be worth it in the end. You may even keep a friend or two in the process.

SHOWER

Cleanliness is one of my top five feelings in life. Right behind, sneezing, almost being full, a warm fire, and hugs. If it isn’t high on you priority list, then we need to sit down and re-evalute things in your life. There are a lot of advantages to being clean in life, and here are some of them in no particular order.

Being clean helps you keep your friends! I have no idea why Charlie Brown and the rest of that gang loved Pig-Pen, but that’s a comic strip. In real life, chances are that people may start to dislike being around you if you smell. Now, I understand that some people have their personal problems, but guess what. We all have problems. I have problems, but I do my best to make sure I’m at least reasonable to be around. If it means you have to rub a carfreshner on yourself, then do it.

Showering can also cause people to be more alert. I have plenty of friends that even take cold showers to make themselves more awake in the morning. This is great. It can work towards your advantage because you need to be alert to play such a complicated game. Now, if you’re like me, I like to shower at night. That’s fine. You may not be as alert as those who shower in the morning, but the important thing is that soap and water have made contact with your body at some point in a 12 hour span.

This daily activity of cleaning yourself also promotes better health in general. No more convention sickness to worry about. Soon enough we won’t have to carry extra hand sanitizer in our bags which means we can fit more dice. Remember, folks, you can never have enough dice on you. To those of you who don’t carry any dice or bring them with you to a gaming event – I just don’t even know where to start with you.

SHAVE

The shaving portion of this blurb is all the extra stuff you can do to take care of yourself. Shaving in general makes you look less like a caveman and more like a normal person. Getting rid of the hair on your neck also helps. I get it though. Some people look good with a beard and there are those who don’t. However, if you have a beard take care of it. There is no reason it should look like the top of Bob Marley’s head. Unless you’re purposely aiming for dreadlocks in your beard, then comb that thing. Yes, even put some shampoo in it.

This is a grizzly looking man. RAWR

If you’ve ever watched the Pro Tour or other major Magic events on Twitch, then you may have noticed some players dressed up in suites. There is nothing wrong with wearing a suit at one of these events especially if there is a chance you’re going to be on camera. In fact, you should always feel like there is a camera on you.

I have no objections to dressing comfortable for these events as well. If you want to wear pajamas, then go ahead and wear them. Just know that some people may look at you weird and some may be jealous that you look some comfortable and they’re not. Be aware of yourself.

Take care of yourself. This is what I see every time I look in the mirror.

Here’s a small shopping list of things you don’t have to do, but they can help out in the long run:

• Buy a belt
• Wear the belt you bought!
• Make a conscious effort to pull your pants up before you sit down
• Make a conscious effort to pull your pants up when you get up
• Brush your teeth

On a final note, I want to leave you with some of the things I do before I leave the house. I like to look in the mirror one last time and ask myself, “Would I hit that?” If the answer is yes, then I know I’m good to go. If the answer is no, then I need to go over what might be wrong. I also do a check like pilots do right before they take off in their airplane. Do I have my cell phone? Do I have my keys? Do I have my wallet? Do I have my deck?

If needed ask yourself, “Did I put on deodorant?” Did you put pants on?

Look, I could go on for a long time and I’m sure there are things I didn’t touch upon that I should have. The real point of this is to check yourself before you wreck yourself. It’s really easy for a person to point to another and call out their faults. What’s really hard is being able to point at yourself and call out your own faults. It all starts with you. Once you’ve got that down, then everything else around you will fall in place.

About the author

Simeon is now the Community Manager for Battleground Games & Hobbies. If you have any questions or inquiries, then you can reach him at Sims@battlegroundgames.com. He is also an avid gamer who loves to play board games and video games. He graduated college with a degree in Political Science, and now serves the public by writing about games. You can check that out here. Don’t forget to “like” him on Facebook as well. It’ll update you on all of his newest content. Best of all, you can follow Simeon on Twitter (@SimeonCortezano) for some real time hilarity. Thanks for reading!

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